Over the years of functioning as an assimilated member of society, you have certainly detected several hot-button topics equipped with perennial power to make any conversation go nuclear – from religion and politics to death and intimacy. For obvious reasons, bringing up these subjects can easily lead to heated discussions fueled by diverse outlooks on the physical and spiritual life of a human being. Therefore, these topics can often be deemed unacceptable to talk about and eventually - avoided.
But what if I told you there is one particular topic hidden behind the veil of a taboo to an even greater extent than some controversial political opinions or radical religious beliefs?
Yes, unfortunately, I am talking about money.
What is the money taboo?
According to the survey conducted by Wells Fargo & Co, bringing up the topic of money definitely tops up the list of the most difficult - for some, even unpalatable - conversations you can possibly have in the United States. Personal finances turned out to be even more problematic to discuss than the hair-rising matter of death or various political subjects for the majority of respondents.
Similar results have been found by TotallyMoney.com amongst the British public, with “more than one in five British people lying about their salary” and approximately 92% of respondents avoiding conversations on borrowing money. Moreover, the 2018 Fidelity Investments Couples & Money Study has found that “34% of surveyed couples could not agree on how much salary their other half makes,” and more than a half of them disagreed on how much they needed to save to retire comfortably.
All right, it is already quite clear to see that people definitely have a considerable problem talking about their financial reality. Yet, the average person today is significantly richer than ever before. One particular question should be crossing your mind right now – how is it possible that in a society professedly claimed as one of the richest in history, people are so reluctant to have conversations on such an elementary topic?
Why does the money taboo exist?
Growing up, you have presumably asked some pretty invasive questions that were not necessarily welcome around the dinner table. Most probably, bringing up one of the ‘dangerous topics’ would end up with rebuking glares from your relatives or even their strict remarks directed at you. Unfortunately, for many families, the matter of money falls into the category of ‘forbidden subjects’ as well. The upbringing was proven to have a significant impact on people’s openness to talking about money, and - in most extreme cases - it led to a dangerous lack of knowledge on the financial situation of a family for nearly all of its members.
But what makes that many families so hesitant to discuss their financial standing?
I believe there are two main reasons hidden behind that issue. A particular way of upbringing is strongly influenced by cultural norms that one is surrounded by and individual dreams or frustrations of the ones perceived by them as their mentors. And those exact factors tend to be the biggest source of problems that keep people away from achieving their financial goals and eventually divert them from drawing on their financial freedom.
Culture is a powerful tool that shapes our beliefs, social behavior and unofficially determines subjects considered taboo. Apparently, most cultures believe it is actually highly inappropriate and rude to ask about a person’s salary. In a research conducted on a particularly diverse group of educated, multicultural individuals in their twenties - that was later discussed in one of the Business Insider’s articles - each of the respondents has admitted that it was impolite to inquire about earnings in their country. People from Brazil have even stated that for them, “money is regarded as a strictly private affair,” meanwhile, in some companies rooted in Asian culture, special confidentiality agreements tend to be signed to forbid employees from discussing their salaries.
Apart from culture, one of the main reasons for turning money into such a taboo subject is the intense emotional attitude towards the topic of earnings, financial mistakes, and various internally hidden financial dreams and aspirations one can have. Conversations about money frequently tend to make people feel embarrassed or conflicted.
Just as Daniel Crosby, an expert in behavioral finance, has described it: “There is so much subtext and hidden meaning wrapped up in money. Money is shorthand for happiness, power, and personal efficacy.”
Caitlin Zaloom – cultural anthropologist and an associate professor at New York University - blames a common belief that “your value as a human being is somehow made material in your pay and in your accounts.” According to Adrian Furnham, author of “The New Psychology of Money,” social perception of money is overflown with such an immense meaning and power that it is difficult to think about it rationally. That leads us to apply a wide range of heuristics and intuitive connections to our process of thinking about it, which, in turn, leads to various financial problems that can go unnoticed for years if we do not talk about them.
Dangers of the money taboo
The curtain of silence stretched over the topic of money does not only negatively impact our individual lives and relationships with others but also severely contributes to the crisis of financial literacy, affecting the entire economy. It is an issue that keeps families away from successfully passing on their wealth and sentences the elderly to living below the poverty level.
We need to understand that money is one of the main topics that every person in our society has to deal with on a daily basis. No matter whether someone is employed or not, incredibly wealthy or severely impoverished, they depend on money and therefore inherently constitute a part of the overall financial system. That simply means that everyone should learn how to operate within it efficiently. The lack of ability to navigate sensible financial decisions can quickly become an obstacle on our road towards a secure financial future or even drag us into the spiral of debt.
When someone inherits an aversion to discussing financial topics as a family attribute, they are highly reluctant to start talking about money as adults. As you can instinctively assess, that can easily lead to severe problems since those people are not taught how to efficiently prepare their monthly budget, let alone actually sticking to it. Lack of conversations on money can also fuel numerous conflicts and misunderstandings within relationships and families.
The money taboo is also significantly dangerous for women and all kinds of minorities in achieving equal pay for equal work simply by allowing the wage gaps to slide into the abyss of financial silence. Increasing transparency in terms of salaries can help in diagnosing and closing the pay gap of any kind.
Obviously, silence on money also lessens the overall – already relatively low - level of financial literacy in our society. According to the OECD/INFE 2020 International Survey of Adult Financial Literacy: “Individuals across the entire sample on average scored only 12.7 or just under 61% of the maximum financial literacy score, which represents a basic set of knowledge concepts and financially prudent behaviors and attitudes.” This is a particularly serious concern and shall be treated as such since questions asked in the survey related to only the absolutely key concepts that everyone should be at least slightly familiar with, even just by watching the news every once in a while.
One of the most individually painful drawbacks of the money taboo is that it efficiently prevents people from meeting their financial goals and leaving peaceful lives. Obviously, money cannot solve all of our problems, but it can solve all of our money-problems for sure, which can already significantly raise the quality of life.
What can we do about the money taboo?
First of all, TALK - the answer really is that simple. We all must understand that silence on money is by no means a long-term solution, and therefore, we need to start approaching this topic more openly. All right, but what if you still feel slightly perplexed touching on this topic?
The key principle is to understand that you are not alone, and others probably feel the same way too. Everyone’s material situation is slightly different, but many people are not entirely satisfied with their financial standing, and therefore, react in a quite similar way. Knowing that by opening up, you can possibly find a great dose of understanding or at least some relevant advice can make you significantly less reticent in this matter. To effectively chase the money taboo out of your life, you also need to understand your own relationship with money. No matter what thoughts it conjures up inside your head, you should delve into the core of them and have a clear vision of how you approach this topic personally.
The next step is to acknowledge that silence in financial aspects can be damaging, particularly in the long-term. Human beings have this detrimental tendency to procrastinate and postpone their reactions to difficult circumstances, hoping that they will alleviate eventually. Yet, the nature of financial issues is contrary to this optimistic approach - if not given proper attention, all money problems can only grow bigger and bigger over time. You can also pass those habits onto your children and put them at risk of struggling financially in the future, so you should definitely take some time to introduce them to the world of finances as soon as possible, even by explaining the most elementary concepts.
I believe that when you crave to achieve a particular goal, you should find yourself a mentor who has already done what you aspire to do. This way, you can obtain invaluable advice and learn from someone else’s mistakes rather than go through your own in the first place. Therefore, if you want to reach a particular financial goal that one of your friends has already achieved, there is no simpler way to do so than by asking them for some advice.
Nonetheless, if you feel severely behind with your financial circumstances and struggle to ask your acquaintances for advice or help, you might find it useful to schedule a meeting with a financial planner who will help you get back on the right track. Just because those people deal with talking about money professionally, they will make you feel way more comfortable and give you proper guidance.
Apart from individual efforts, we need substantial systemic solutions as well
The one I absolutely swear by is ensuring that every person can receive proper financial education – from financial literacy lessons at schools through lectures in colleges and workshops organized at work.
After all, becoming more fluent and adroit in financial matters can significantly elevate the quality of students’ or employees’ life, enabling them to perform even better.
Just as mentioned before, money taboo is one of the primary reasons for wage gaps between diverse employees. Therefore, more transparency regarding wages can contribute not only to the increase in equity and social justice but can also become a handy tool in combatting the money taboo once and for all.
Talking about money in times of crises
Financial literacy is particularly crucial in times of economic downturns, as it plays a pivotal role in constructing the economic recovery of countries across the globe.
While April - claimed to be the Financial Literacy Month in several countries– is approaching, it provides a great opportunity to enrich your knowledge on finance, budgeting, investing, and all of the mysterious nooks and crannies of personal finance, which is what I would definitely recommend. In this simple way, you can help not only yourself and your family but also the entire society.
Breaking a social taboo can be incredibly arduous and grueling, but it is definitely possible – back in the day, public discussions on politics or religion were sporadic to hear, while today, they are quite commonplace. Hopefully, we can break the stigma of bringing up the topic of money as well in the near future.
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